We can all feel angry when something feels unfair, anxious when we’re worried about failure, overwhelmed when there’s too much to do. Emotions are important and valid for all of us. But for kids, emotions can come on strongly, quickly, and oftentimes are not paired with an ability to understand and manage those feelings. That means things can get out of control.

Big, strong, intense emotions have a tendency to trigger the brain and body’s automatic survival instinct, or fight or flight response. This can happen if we’re running from a bear, our ego feels threatened, or a sibling smashes a LEGO tower we worked really hard on.

Here’s what happens during moments of emotional dysregulation:

1. The body prepares to defend. If we were truly in danger, we would need to react quickly. That means that physiological responses like increased heart rate, heightened muscle tension, and a release of adrenaline come quickly automatically. 

2. The brain focuses on the perceived threat. In real danger we would need to be hyper aware. That means racing thoughts and hyper-focusing on the thing making us angry or anxious. It also means it’s harder to shift attention away from the threatening or emotionally provocative situation.

3. Clear thinking and remembering coping skills go out the window. Since the brain and body need to focus on reacting quickly, they can’t focus on thinking rationally. Functions in the prefrontal cortex are less accessible because they would slow us down in moments of real danger.

4. The reaction happens. For some kids this means shutting down, for some kids this means yelling, and for some kids this means physical outbursts, aggression, and behavioral reactions that are truly beyond their ability to control.

At Mightier we love all emotions and the role they play in who we all are. But sometimes emotions are more than a child can understand, and their reactions are more than they can control. The good news? There are things you as a caregiver can do to help them.

3 Ways to Help Your Child Regulate Their Emotions

1. Model calm. It’s 100% normal to also feel frustrated or impatient when your child is angry or anxious – but we all know that heat from both sides never helps things cool down. Take a few seconds to let yourself regulate (deep breaths, a slight pause) so you can address the situation calmly and with a clear head.

2. Validate their emotions. Regardless of their reaction, there’s a valid reason your child is feeling a certain way. Maybe they had their heart set on something that didn’t work out, or maybe they perceived something as unfair. When feeling those quick, intense emotions it may be hard for your child to truly understand how they feel and why. Your ability to validate their feelings not only helps them feel seen and heard, but also helps them process why they’re feeling this way in the first place. 

3. Calm with them. If your child has been playing Mightier for a while, or has a favorite calming strategy, use it with them. Because emotions are also very physical experiences, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and taking a walk may be key in giving the brain and body the time to calm down and relax. You can find more CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) based coping skills from Mightier here.

These strategies are great for responding to the big moments when they happen, but prevention strategies, like playing Mightier, are best for building emotional awareness and regulation skills. Learn more about how Mightier’s game-based digital mental health tool can support your child and family!